Tonight, circumventing and entwining my love feelings for her with the cadence of sentimental songs; trying to commensurate the highest value of each word to ensue the real apogee meaning of an an-aphrodisiac love. It is simply the “Platonic Love”, unrivaled with the tint of the sexual culmination. Realizing sex, tangibility has lesser importance in love, just a figment balloons you & afloat in the air in her every dreams day and night. Today, I am feeling, Love and Sex have an eternal distance that even a supercilious fastest mind cannot approach it. Why do I sense such today? Is this a true love or the greatest illusion? Why does not somebody exempt me from an ocean of love?
Swimming solitary in this ocean of love, hoping she would be coming for me. Searching her took my half life and still in search. No matter what, don’t want to distinct what love is? Simply, suggestion is to feel fervently. Ah ! this is a true love and here’s an instant warmness even in winter season. Love is like a bird with two wings circumnavigate to indiscriminate destination. Even a neophyte bird remembers every path it wanders, but this love feeling remains nonchalance but certainly enjoys every path of odyssey love. Myth says it’s really hard life being a bird, a novice bird has to fly at once. They see a human like me, hoping if they were like a human, they would have done something extraordinary. Now, I m a simple human being with lots of things in this head, a knowledge or just a winding crazy things, I don’t know. So, God, let all birds be a human being so that they could feel what I am feeling.
I Feel to hold you forever in these empty arms waiting since eons, and not to miss again because of solitary pain. There’s no meaning of existence, without you, feels like this path is just somehow to put these paces to an end all alone. In this love, why doesn’t she reside, the one for whom I gave everything. What I didn’t do for her? I made this world empty, bought this world. Does she mean money can’t buy everything?
If this real life were a story, I would not have written so sadistic that blood flows instead of an ink into these stories. Why do some people get their love and enjoy it? Person like me also exists on Earth, y am I being chosen? God discern and scrutinize me at this provision, may be ludicrously laughing somewhere in the corner of arena of life. Scripting farcically sentences for her and never acquainted to her, just scratched for dustbin. And I now enlighten you that I fell in love with you in these nondescript, nonentities, obsolete sentences where the every word is screeching of dysfunctional reality in a quest of a true lover. I think, my meek love is entwined with both craving and aversion, and conclude that I m not in love but deeply inveterate with craving. This is not love, not real love. The missteps disgrace my love as an infidelity in a Real love which meticulously subjugated unraveling “Love should be an unconditional love?
The greatest mistake in love, I’ve ever learnt is to remain silent, the worst situation. The condemned carnal carnivals deride us to become a mendacious philander. The marriage conjugates the aesthetics of Sex and Love graciously, venerating its immaculate meaning optimally.
What m I doing here alone typing about love in the middle of the night, a frenetic insomnia? She got connubial long ago and I m still dreaming, now realize I have squandered my precious life in the name of obscurity. Now only the figment of nostalgia adumbrates my present. And she never knows that I love her. Am I crazy? What is happening to me? M I in a good state of mental health? I doubt seriously!
Monday, November 14, 2005 edited: Monday, October 30, 2006